Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Love In Sam's Life

There is an old saying....'Behind the success of a man, there is a woman'. How true it can be but as one of Sir Issac Newton's theories proven, 'behind the failure of a man, there is also a woman'. How ideal is that? Only those who had been there will know, as for me, I am nowhere close to either side of the story.


Looking back in time...bringing myself back to the early 80's where I was into my teens, I could recall every girl who I have had some kind of affection for but it is now merely serves as a memory (or should I say excess memory). If someone actually asks me, how many girls did actually engrave herself deeply within me? I really could not answer without giving it much of a thought as it is not that I had too many girls to recall instead it was too few to actually think that some of them actually left her mark in me.

I'd be brave enough to say there were 4 girls who actually left some form of image, memory and feelings within me. From the 4 of them there were 2 from the same school....River Valley High (1982 to 1985). First there was someone by the name of Clarina Chay, who I felt quite strongly for but we did not work out because of our indifference in beliefs and religion. The 2nd girl from River Valley High too is Jennifer Chong, she came into my life back in Mar 1985 until Oct 1985 and again on Jan 1988 till July 1988. Jennifer was the one which I felt then, the strongest as I never did gave up hope on her but all efforts were in vain. The 3rd girl which I am about to mention here should have been mentioned first, but I guess it was more of the truth that she did actually help me up in my darkest hour as a teenager then, her name was Tan Poh Har. Now coming to the last one, I will not mention her name as she was to be my first girlfriend, and became my wife and now she is my ex-wife. I gave her my everything and in expection of nothing of the extra-ordinary but it did not work out in the end. I blamed no one but myself mostly, though the hurt is very evident and it shall remain as long as I am alive.

In all fairness, sometimes it is so difficult to project our feelings to someone.....without the constant fear of being misunderstood. I have had so many bad experiences and it is like so many that I practically can 'smell' it. I pray and pray....someone who would understand my thoughts, beliefs and of course, believe in me.

Till I write again....remember, LOVE IS BLIND but the person in it ain't

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