I really don't know why I have to say this days here in BLOG as maybe its because I have really no other avenue to offload what is in my mind and also no one who could share what I am feeling at this point in time. I am also not sure am I suffering from mid-life crisis because I have found that the loneliness I have lived with for so long is now so very unbearable and I am out of wits to fight it or suppress it.
Sometimes I also wonder why is there so much left for me to do OR that I am here to just go through the motion of life. My ideals have all but achieved already and though the results have somewhat been not so good because of all, there is just one that did not turn out right. I guess I should be glad it was achieved or attained. These days, I wonder, what is there left for me out there.
The last few years, I realised that for a moment that I could have kept my emotions in check and more or less suppress it well. Truth is that it had been swept under the rug but it was growing in desire and in strength. Worst of all being a Cancerian, where we are emotional, passionate and sensitive in nature. I do wonder too after 2005 where I had written 3 more love songs that I still have what it takes to love again. I guess not, as I am just too weary of another setback which I guess it would leave me ever so devastated.
I guess I should really leave it to FATE to decide my destiny as it is no longer what I want in life that matters, I could decide what I want to do or what I like to have in life (material aspirations) but not in my love life.....it is really beyond my choice now. As like cars in Singapore, which have a shelf life of 10 yrs and you'd have to scrap them. I, too, feel that my days are numbered where I am no longer in a position to choose, and it is not what I want that matter any more.
Sometimes I do wonder when my time would come.........as it is nothing more I want anymore in this life......least I know, I have done what I have set out to do as a kid.....
Lastly I would like to share a wonderful cantonese song by Sam Hui which somewhat reflect how I feel right now......really down and out....and lost in emotions
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