Life at 40

Well it has been a long while I have actually written something here as I was pretty much too occupied with my work and that I was also down with slight fatigue.

Just passed my 41st birthday recently and was poised with questions such as am I gonna find someone new in my life? Would I get married again? Would I plan to have kids? What's my plans for my future? Seriously I have never gave it much thought about all those questions poised at all for now as thankfully I was too pre-occupied with my work and normally at the end of the day, I would be too exhausted to think of anything else but to rest and sleep. The ugly truth is that I have to thank my work for exhausting me out everyday as if not, I'd probably thinking of what else for me to do....that is also why the reason I dreaded the weekends as it nears because I just have nothing to do, nowhere to go and no one to go out with, it can be such a drag.

I remember when I was younger then that relationships and having someone near was something which I would drown myself in terms of thoughts. Why is it only in thoughts? The reason being that I have never much luck or success with women even in acquintances. Sadly becuase of the darn 'first impression' rule, and for me, I am normally not too open when meeting new people as I chose to observe them first and adopt a SAFETY FIRST policy. Anyway to be safe is better to over-exposing our vulnerabilities, as I am basically a nice chap with a soft heart as some would know that I could be the type of guy who could be "easily taken for a ride". In reality, I just wanna be a nice guy and treat a lady with utmost respect, and for that sometimes or even often enough, I have been misunderstood. It used to matter a lot to me when I get misunderstood and no matter how hard I try to remedy the problem, it gets worse.

This days I chose to remain dormant and let the situation evolves for itself, not too worried if it works to my favour or not. The truth as we get older, the harder to find yourself someone that fits, thus resigning to the very fate which we dreaded sometimes for our current predicament. I am more of a family man this days as I would go to work and back home only, hardly go out for social gatherings which in fact is far and few. I have tasted family life once, when I was married for a brief period, but how foolish and naive I was then believing that giving it my all is enough to enjoy a warm family life. When it all fails, I was then too devastated to ever believing that I would ever find another life which I would then called family life again. Seriously I really want to appreciate and enjoy the warmth and love of family life as I have been alone for too long. I even at one stage forgot that I was living and that I am a human and not a robot........So from time to time, I watched movies that to test if I still have feelings or that it is all gone.

Anyway to me now, the current situation is not really to my favour to even have someone in mind and judging from the looks of things, it would be very unlikely for me to even attempt for anyone at all. To be frank, I would not even mind if the other half is a divorcee with a kid even for that fact.

I would like to share a wonderful MTV of a Chinese song with all...which speaks a lot about what I am and what I have been through.....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRc-Qbf_0Dw&playnext_from=TL&videos=1UnaGtT5QIA