Life Beyond 40 and Love

Been doing a lot of thinking of late as I reflect on my life now and the years that went by, and I realised that other than work which gives me some form of joy, there is just nothing much that really makes me feel complete.
I have been telling myself day after day that there is always a BETTER TOMORROW, and it is not like the Hong Kong movie about gangsters, but really a BETTER TOMORROW. I lamented on a lot of what could have beens in the past but in reality, I have never been brave enough to face the UGLY REALITIES in life. Life is not all about love but we could not live without it too. For someone who is ONCE BITTEN TWICE SHY, I find it absolutely so difficult to give my heart to anyone without feeling the anxieties and insecurity as the past record has not been kind to me as many knows.
Not too sure why GOOD GUYS always finish last or get finished off so easily, but I guess that is an UGLY FACT which I have to learn to accept.
Through the years of courtship, never had I for once, taken the lust path into my courtship as I always believe that being a TRUE GENTLEMAN would prevail. How wrong I was? How naive I was? It was never gonna work that way as I found out in the years of courtships and in most cases, I never made it past HELLO. To me at that time, courtship was like a 3 step game: Aquaintance, Getting to know and Being together. Guess what through the years, I failed even in the first hurdle. Some say I am too ill equipped, too poorly poised, too dumb to read between the lines and etc..... The only thing that warms the heart was the time when someone accepted who I am without picking on my faults and defects. In all fairness, how many people actually spent a lifetime looking for the ONE for life? Lastly it is so so difficult as in reality, human beings are selfish beings, and not many I know that are selfless and willing to give it all.
At my age now, just passed the 40 year old mark and starting a new era in life, have really nothing much to look for actually. In reality, sometimes I wonder also what lies ahead in front of me to face. Used to love children and I never lost that affainity with children but I would have to give up having kids of my own as I have passed the critical age limit already. Done my mathematics and I surely would not wanna retire when I am 70 years old as I expect my energy level to drop drastically in the next 5 to 7 years before I reach 50 years old. Of course the other truth is that I am no longer half the man I used to be as I really would not know if the ammunitions in me work anymore. I of course have done my family some injustice as the bloodline may not be able to continue in me.
This days, I only looking for companionship, and some love too. But I am prepared to give a lot of concessions away as I am no longer young and that I, too, have a past which is best left buried and not to be dugged up. Will I find it? Will there be someone out there for me who is willing to live with me, and accept me as what I am? Sigh......sometimes love just ain't enough!
But till I write again, I just want to put all my energies and effort in my work now as I have to succeed in this venture where I have placed all my 'chips' in as it would really shape the future years that comes by.

Here is ONE nice song that echoes in my heart every now and then....
Until I Find You Again - Richard Marx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJjKDGluoYg&feature=related