This days I have developed a phobia in going outdoors as I am always alone, and watching people come in groups of friends, or with their love ones. It really makes me wonder time and time again, am I really destined to be a loner or am I just too blind to see the people that's around me. Some have even asked me if my decision to stay in JB, was it a right one? I guessed they actually were concerned the fact that I am all alone in JB and if there is anything that happens to me, NO ONE would know. I have also gave it a lot of thought too about staying in JB as I have to weigh the pros and cons, to come out with the best rational reason for me to accept. But staying in Singapore becomes a real burden as cost of living was the main concern and also the fact that I have become very Malaysian makes it harder to adapt in Singapore. So many rules and regulations, and so stressful. I guess I will follow my heart and as the song title reflects "wherever I lay my hat that's my home". Actually I have actually made it myself in a way that I have set out initially like the Jay Chou song "一路向北" as I have no other dependants so really I could move as I wishes.
The coming new year 2012 would be an interesting year for me, as it also marks the 10th anniversary of my marriage failure. All would say that I should be on my way starting a new life but in truth, I have accepted ONE true fact as if ONE is fated to be a loner then so be it. There is practically nothing I could do to change this fact. Maybe I just want to mould myself into the role of the movie "初恋红豆冰" called BOTAK....who has so much to say to the one he loves/adores but he never did at the end.
Still wondering how to pass X'mas and New Year first before 2012.
Cheers all,
